Jacqui's Fic
by That Nanda
Summary: A rather silly fic I wrote for my sister, a Sesshy fan. Tired of fighting, Sesshoumaru has come up with a new plan to get the Tetsusaiga.... Oneshot.


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Jacqui's Fic

By Nanda

Inuyasha felt the small hairs on the back of his neck stand up, as the hot blood that ran through his veins turned to ice. He sensed another youkai. He lifted his nose slightly, trying to discern who or what this intruder was. The scent was instantly recognizable and unmistakable. 

"Sesshoumaru…" he breathed, his right hand grasping the hilt of Tetsaiga fiercely, preparing to draw. 

"Inuyasha!" his brother's cold voice barked from behind a nearby tree. 

"Hey!" Inuyasha roared, "Stop hiding! You've caught me here all by myself, now what the hell do you want?" 

"You know why I'm here." Sesshoumaru said, sneering at his younger brother. "I've come for the Fang. You will give me Tetsaiga, now." 

"Yeah, right!" Inuyasha laughed, drawing their father's sword, "Right after you pry it from my cold, dead hands!" 

"Ordinarily I would relish the opportunity to put you in your place, whelp, but since you now control Tetsaiga, I've found recent encounters with you to be…tiring." Sesshoumaru sighed, rubbing his forehead and temples with the hand on his one remaining arm. 

"Y-you're not going to…fight?" Inuyasha asked, dropping his arms slightly. He was confused, but still wary. 

"No, no. I've come up with a much better idea." Sesshoumaru said absently, smiling. He dropped his gaze from Inuyasha's incredulous face and began to search through his robes. 

"Wha…? What are you playing at?" Inuyasha demanded, unnerved. 

"Hmmm, uhhh…" Sesshoumaru muttered to himself, ignoring the frazzled Inuyasha completely. "Ah. Here it is." he exclaimed suddenly, pulling a small square of paper out from his inner robes. Inuyasha's eyes narrowed.

"What are you trying to pull?" he asked. 

"Not a thing, whelp. It's all very straightforward. You give me Tetsaiga, and I won't show your friends…_This_." Sesshoumaru held the paper out so that Inuyasha could see for himself what it was. It appeared to be a tiny portrait of… Inuyasha's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. He sheathed Tetsaiga, then raised a curious hand to receive the paper. 

"This…this is…" he gulped. 

"Your mother had this commissioned by a prominent artist when you were still a child. I remember, you were living in father's palace at the time. I think it's a very good likeness, actually. Do you remember this, Inuyasha? I'm sure your woman, or that Houshi would be more than interested in a remembrance such as this." 

"No one," Inuyasha seethed, shaking with rage, "is _ever _going to see this!" With a defiant look at Sesshoumaru, he stuffed the tiny portrait into his mouth. He chewed it quickly, then swallowed. 

"Ha!" he laughed, glaring at his older brother triumphantly. "Great plan, Sesshoumaru!" Sesshoumaru shook his head, looking bored and disgusted. 

"Idiot." he sighed. "Did it not occur to you that I have already had several copies made?" He watched with mild amusement as Inuyasha floundered, trying to decide his next move. 

"Listen asshole!" Inuyasha said when he had finally recovered, "You can't scare me with a painting! Did you honestly think blackmail would work on me? That's a new low, even for you, Sesshoumaru! Forget the cheap tricks, I'm not giving you Tetsaiga. You can't scare me so easily!" That said, he turned on his heels and fled. Sesshoumaru watched the departing form of his younger brother, a tiny smirk gracing his beautifully cruel face. 

"Jaken." he called softly.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!" came a prompt reply from behind some nearby bushes. An instant later, the toad demon appeared, picking brambles off of his sleeve. Sesshoumaru eyed him coolly.

"Has everything been taken care of?" 

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!"

Elsewhere, Inuyasha landed breathlessly beside the sleeping figures of his small band of companions. They slumbered soundly and carelessly, assured in their safety by his ever-watchful presence. "_We should leave at first light," _he thought to himself. "_In case Sesshoumaru is planning anything…"_ He couldn't afford to lose Tetsaiga to Sesshoumaru. Apart from losing face, he needed it to protect the others from youkai. More importantly, he needed it's presence to protect them from the youkai blood in himself. He stared for a moment at his sleeping companions, his _friends. _Thensighing softly, he hunkered down at the base of a nearby tree to rest. "_He's bluffing…"_ was his last thought as he slipped into a dreamless sleep. 

His ears were greeted by the sound of poorly stifled laughter as he awoke the following morning. He peeped open one suspicious eye to see Kagome, Sango and Miroku all staring at him expectantly. They were sitting in a half-circle across from him, smiles plastered on their faces and a gleam in their eyes, as if all three were sharing some private joke at his expense. He was puzzled for a moment, until he noticed small, familiar squares of paper clutched in each of their hands. 

"Fuuuck…" he moaned softly. Suddenly, something small and furry landed on his head, and the portrait he had eaten last night was staring him in the face. 

"Boy, Inuyasha!" Shippou laughed brightly. "You sure were cute!" Dodging Inuyasha's fist, he leapt to the safety of Kagome's shoulders.

"Inuyasha, I was wondering, how old were you when you stopped sucking your fingers?" Miroku asked without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. His eyes, however, were practically dancing with amusement. 

"Look at that tiny little bottom!" Kagome squealed with delight, reaching out to grab one of Inuyasha's ears. Shippou instantly transformed himself into an almost identical copy of Kagome, with a kitsune's tail, and grabbed Inuyasha's other ear. 

"Kawaaiiiiiiiii!!!!!!" They squealed in unison, tugging his ears in opposite directions. Inuyasha leapt to his feet, covering his poor, abused ears with his hands. He stumbled blindly into Sango, who smiled shyly and merely commented "When I was little, I had a stuffed rabbit that looked a lot like yours." 

"It's a puppy!" Inuyasha muttered. "Sesshoumaru ripped it's head off."

"Speaking strictly man to man," Miroku continued, pulling Inuyasha aside, "I sincerely hope that you've, ah… _grown up _over the years, if you catch my meaning…"

"I WAS THREE YEARS OLD, BUZU!" Inuyasha screamed, lunging for the Monk's jugular. 

"Osuwari, Inuyasha!" Kagome cried. The dog demon ate dirt while Sango helped a still shaking Miroku to his feet. She was thanked for her troubles with a groping hand on her bottom. Seconds later, Miroku rejoined Inuyasha on the ground. Shippou and the two indignant females headed off for Kaede's hut to show her the painting and share in the mirth. 

"Bastards…" Inuyasha cursed, spitting grass out. "I should've given the Tetsaiga to Sesshoumaru!" Trying to regain a semblance of dignity, Inuyasha brushed himself off and headed in the direction of the laughing girls, being sure to step on Miroku on his way by. He wasn't sure how, but he'd find a way to get even. 


End file.
